he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
