the condom got lost in my hair
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize