Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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