I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
