addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize