How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
