I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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