Cold hands, warm shart.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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