I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
