Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
