I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
