If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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