btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
