Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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