I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you made out with another girl for some wings
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
