The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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