I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize