So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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