Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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