I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
