I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
