i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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