I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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