My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
