Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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