she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
