I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
