Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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