I CAN MOONWALK!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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