non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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