after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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