dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
