He uses pillows to masturbate.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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