i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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