Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
