I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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