Joe is yelling at the trees again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
