Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
