so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
