that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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