I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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