K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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