I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
