I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
what day is it and did you see me today?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize