i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
