My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
