I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
