You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
