It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
