I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
