wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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