I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize