Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
