I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
