I cannot find my penis.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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