her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
