What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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