MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
