Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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