On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
