Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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