the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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