At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
