Welp...herpes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
