Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
