If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
