You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
