What a fucking waste of an outfit
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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