Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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