he told me I talked like a deaf person
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
