Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
