That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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