Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry McFucken hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

I cannot find my penis.

Fav 32 1161 2729
share tweet
(828): View more from North Carolina

Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us

Fav 3 3147 1064
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(718): View more from New York

Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.

Fav 3 2427 873
share tweet
(973): View more from New Jersey

i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit

Fav 18 4248 1887
share tweet
(774): View more from Massachusetts

I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge

Fav 6 1457 779
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.

Fav 8 1649 678
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(651): View more from Minnesota

Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"

Fav 0 729 570
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(203): View more from Connecticut

He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.

(203): View more from Connecticut

He's like a mythological figure

Fav 0 76 3
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(256): View more from Alabama

Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night

Fav 0 33 64
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT