Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
