just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
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