tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize