; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize